"Real Life", or Something Like It

[{amber}Å«Fo§»]

Greetings Masters;
Greetings Mistresses:
Greetings slaves;

The comment, “real life comes first” sometimes leaves me wondering about the time I spend online.

I understand that to some, like me, it’s meant to acknowledge that our spouses, children, other family and friends, work, pets, care of our three dimensional homes, etc takes precedence over the time we spend in the online Gorean community. Not that the relationships and people are less than any other friends we have, just that the time spent there, like time at the health club, library, houses of worship, working our favorite causes, or the neighborhood bar where we hit happy hour with our friends, isn’t meant to consume our lives. There is a reasonable limit to the time we can commit and eventually, it’s time to log off.

But to others, “real life comes first” means that they step away from their computers and their online interactions in the same manner that they might pause a video game.

So how can it be reconciled that for some the time spent here it serious, and for others it is an online fantasy roleplay escape? And what happens when the two intersect?

As a more serious minded slave who tries to minimize the roleplaying aspect, I run into inner conflict. On one hand I have the exploration and development of my slavery to consider, and the solemnity required. On the other is the firm belief that I am to serve the pleasure of the Free. There is a part of me that believes that even if that means “playing a part” in a Free person’s online roleplaying fantasy, that I should do it with a slave heart.

But my thoughts are ambivalent. There’s a part of me that thinks that for those of us for whom this is not a roleplaying exercise, that playing party to roleplaying games might be at best be a bastardization of what we are and at worst damaging to our personal journeys.

It’s my hope that those who read this will be willing to share their own thoughts and experiences.

With thanks and well wishes,

amber «Fo§»
Posted with the permission of Master Argos, CA, Fortress of Saphronicus

[Thandar]

Tal Free and slaves,
I hope you're all well

Smiles as I read over this,

But to others, “real life comes first” means that they step away from their computers and their online interactions in the same manner that they might pause a video game.

So how can it be reconciled that for some the time spent here it serious, and for others it is an online fantasy roleplay escape? And what happens when the two intersect?

I will have to agree that some treat online Gor as an RPG=role play game. As I have said many times that if anyone types a post of any action or reaction it is role playing. However this is not the substance of this post so I will get back on track. A few treat Gor as if it is nothing but a game. Sign on, play for a bit, and sign off, forgetting about all ties they have. It is sad to see that some do not take this serious enough to see that those actions reflects upon their true to life character. There's nothing wrong with role play. Man has done it since the beginning of time. Cavemen would mock the animals of their time to tell others about hunts or about what quarry they saw. It's a natural human behavior. However when I say "real time comes first" to Me it means that what has to be done to support one's self or family. We can't be on the net if We don't pay the bills. Would be pretty damn hard to be on the net if We were living under bridges. Yes many uses rt as an excuse to not be where they have committed to online. Then many when they reach over and turn off that pc switch, We no longer exist to them until the next time they "decide" to turn it back on. I'm sorry but I am not here to be entertainment for anyone. I'm here to mentor and teach anyone that wants to seriously learn about Gor. I will teach anyone as long as they show Me they take Gor seriously and show the aptitude to truly listen and learn. Not be here to seek attention.

I once had a FC, that was here all the time until I moved into Her Home. Then She started these vanishing acts, giving every excuse under the moons to not be in the Home. Then when She would appear. She would either drag up stuff that was already settled in the Home and get the Home in an uproar all over again, then vanish for 3 weeks to a month again, or She would come in with her own personal role play for that day and expect Us all to drop what WE were doing and fall into it for her entertainment. I waited a whole year for her to see what a Beautiful Home Me and the slaves had built, and for her to see what She was missing by not being here. and when Our FC date rolled around and She was not here to renew Our contract. I packed up Anango, and moved it onto My own server, and never once looked back over My shoulder. I gave her the benefit of the doubt for a year. But once She proved to Me that She did not think enough of Our FC contract to be there to renew it. I sent her an email telling her "My name was not Dell and I will be damned if I would be treated like that "on and off" switch on her PC to entertain Her with what ever turn on She wanted at that time."

Sometimes We have to take a stand and know exactly what it is We are here for. Some people see only an avatar, and have no idea at the commitment or the sacrifices We have made as Masters, Mistresses, Free Companions or slaves. and to those people who are clueless. To them We are nothing more than that off switch. What We have to be able to do is to know that we are not here for their amusement, We are here for Our selves, and those who take us seriously. I am Thandar City Admin of Anango, I am here to protect the members of My Home from gamers like them.

I wish you all well,
Thandar

[skye{V}]

~smiles to amber

great post amber and one i believe that needs to be addressed by anyone who enters into online M/s relationship, as well as a community involvement online.

Personally i no longer even use the term r/t , although in times past i surely did, and here's the reason why. For me real is anywhere i am , it matters not if its online or off. If i'm squirming in my seat is that not real? If i'm tearing up or laughing or deep in thought is that not real? is it not causing a true effect on me? Tonight for instance i was at a restaurant bar and struck up a conversation with an elderly gentlemen next to me … does that make it more real because i was there physically, than one i’ve shared my innermost thoughts with online? of course not . so in actuality it comes down to the priorities in our lives when we delve out our time and efforts.

But i know that’s not exactly what your post is directed to. you, like me you choose to keep it real and are having difficulties with those who seem to be able to take it or leave it as if it were a game. There will always be players, physically and online, it seems that’s the key point here. As slaves yes, we seek to please.. however, it shows how crucial it is that a slave online chooses one that matches her criteria as to how she can best serve as well. Is the amount of effort He plans to afford match what you can live with? , what are His priorities?, does he take your slavery as seriously as you do? There are role players, there are those who simply don’t get it, there are those who are not serious minded when it comes to Gor.. but then there are some who will simply Master you .. and that is real, regardless of the time their online affords.

as always i wish you well amber , in all your endeavors and that your slavery abounds in ways that may even astound you ~ smiless

skye .. devoted slave of Vagabond

[{karimah}Å«Fo§»]

Greetings Masters, Mistresses and fellow slavelings,

Good post amber, kari understands your frustrations.. as even though she does participate in some roleplay, her slavery is not roleplay and it is not a game to kari.. and it is very frustrating sometimes encountering others who treat it only as a game.. *smiles*

Well said skye! .. *smiles*... kari rarely uses the term "real life" to distinguish the two dimensions she lives in either.. and yes... lives in.. *laughs* .. she is one of those addicts who spends almost as much time online as offline sometimes... and that is how she defines it... "online" and "offline".. but either way... it is all very real to her.

she is someone who even gets emotionally/intellectually involved in roleplay too.. and her frustrations with the "gamers" really can come out to play there.. lol.. but.. that is her choice.. and she knows what she is getting into when she consciously participates in roleplay.. so that is different and something she has to cope with...

girl thinks that the clue to coping with this dilemna of *genuine versus gamers* lies in another term that is often used online.. and one that she thinks is a very important concept to remember .... "like minded people".

Surround yourself with those who share your belief systems and your personal approach online... and to Gor...

we do it offline.. so why not online too ?

offline we select those people whom we get on with best, and who share our outlook on life, and we call them our "friends" and we choose to socialise with them... those whom we meet but do not have that same connection with, we simply treat as acquaintenances and limit the level of contact/involvement that we have with them....

kari thinks it is fair and reasonable to apply the same principles online too... be acquaintenances to those you perceive as "players" and preserve the depths of your slavery for those that respect it fully and are "like minded" with their approach to Gor.

and kari thinks that this is usually fairly easy to do, as kari finds that like minded people 'usually' join the same homes.. so it is easy enough to just visit the other palaces that are inline with your personal approach and outlook.

kari is a slave... and she considers herself a "real" slave.. but she is not a play toy or a doormat.. and she believes that gives her the right to be selective and reserve her slavery for those she believes respect it and her commitment to it.. and she believes we all have the right to do that .. .. after all .. one of the fundamentals of Gor is.. "be true to yourself" .. and being true to yourself also means. . not selling yourself or your slavery 'short'.. and not doing something that sits uneasily within your heart and soul. (which is a very different concept to not doing something just cos you don't want to.. but that's a whole different topic ).

kari hopes that you find the answer to your dilemna inside your heart and soul amber.

she wishes everyone well, and thanks her Master for allowing kari to post to this Forum.

{karimah}Å«Fo§»
slave of Master Årgos, Fortress of Saphronicus

[Justar]

I must admit I am one of those that say r/t to go do something that must be done on earth. at times I don''t know when things will happen... to Me Gor is real and it effects things I do and say...


I am one of those that take it and apply most aspects to the physical world. I can see its hard for a slave to devote time into serving online; just for a Free to up and leave in the middle of a serve. Having said that I am conflicted with a easy way to be able to jump up in any given moment (witch I have to do during the day) and wanting to be served. I wonder on how slaves feel if they are warming feet and a Free must go take care of something. I, Myself wonder what it is that can be said to not have this conflict?


Justar~Fo§~SC

[{karimah}Å«Fo§»]

Greetings Masters, Mistresses and slaves,

*smiles to Master Justar*

for herself, kari is never bothered if a Free needs to rush to real to take care of things while she is in their service.. "real comes first always" is first and foremost in her mind... so she just takes it for granted and expects that people would put their offline responsibilities over and above their online ones.. and she feels fairly confident that almost everyone else would be the same.

also, as slaves we are taught that it is our place to wait on the pleasure of the Free.. not to make demands of them, or to place expectations on them... of course.. that is easier said then done.. because as human beings we all have our own interpretations on how we believe we are treated respectfully or disrespectfully.. and as Palace Goreans, "respect to all always" has always been a common creedo.

the only thing that does leave kari feeling a lil bit put out, is when people.. Free or slave.. sit in a room and seem to completely ignore all that is going on for very long periods of time .. or.. when spoken to.. never respond and are obviously afk without having had the courtesy to say so... now and then is understandable as life sometimes takes us by surprise.. but some do it continually.. and to me that sends a very negative message about them and their respect for others.

girl thinks that perhaps one possible solution to your personal dilemna Master would be to simply inform the slave, as you accept them to your feet, that you may need to come and go without notice due to real life .. that way you have shown respect by making them aware, and you need not feel concerned about more then that in her personal opinion, as it is their duty to please you and to serve you.. not vice versa.

wishing you well,


{karimah}Å«Fo§»
slave of Master Årgos, Fortress of Saphronicus

thanking my Master for allowing kari to post to this Forum

[Ladorria]

Tal & Greetings,

This is a topic that is very near and dear to me as having been online in various venues (always as Ladorria the FW and Scribe offline and online) for more than 10 years, I have seen a lot.

For me, every relationship that I build online is real to me. Very rarely does a friendship that I have, NOT crossover to what so many refer to as "real life". Of course, this means that I am also very careful of those acquaintences that I call 'friend'. Either way, I am confident enough to know that when I shut down the PC that those near and dear to me are never forgotten, nor my duties of a home that I decide to join. I never refer to offline as 'real life', because online is just as real.

I enjoyed Thandar's comment to his former FC that his name is not Dell. But I will say that I reject the notion that any action that you do online is a form of role playing. I call it simulation, but then that is just semantics. For me, role playing is when someone logs on to the internet and they play a role.... like a warrior for instance. If someone logs on, who never served in the military at all, or who is not a sword fighter, foil fencer, martial arts, etc. offline but whose only experience in any kind of battle might be the 555 or T5 or whatever it's called is role playing. Just like a physician who is not really a nurse or a medical doctor, or a scribe who is not a teacher, an accountant, etc. or the slave who does not have a slave heart. THAT to me is role play.

There is nothing wrong with role playing as long as you're up front about why you're here and who you are. What is upsetting to me, and where the role players do the most damage is when they try to interact with those of us who are serious about Gor and are who we are regardless of the venue; especially the slaves, as their slavery is something that is constantly being tested and after a while, rper's who insist on interracting with serious slaves can do more damage than I care to discuss at this time.

I also reject the notion that "respect to all, always" is a particularly Gorean concept. Respect must always be earned. I think that common courtesy is and should be a given, but respect.... it must be earned or it means nothing. That which is easily gained is also just as easily thrown away. If people do not have to work hard to earn true respect, then in the long run, they won't really care if those people's respect is lost.

As for the slave, your job is simply to be pleasing to the free. Nothing more, nothing less. Unfortunately, that may, on occasion mean the roleplayer but if you serve with a slave's heart, then you are still true to yourself and your station. You cannot go wrong. My advice to you is to try and avoid homes that are filled with those type of folks then there won't be any trouble. In the end you do have a choice, even if that choice is simply to obey. If you feel you cannot, then you may want to look inside yourself and ask yourself if you have chosen the correct path. I know it sounds harsh, but there it is.....


I wish you all well,


Ladorria~Scr

[{karimah}Å«Fo§»]

Greetings Masters, Mistresses and slaves,

*smiles to the Mistress Scribe*

Well said Mistress.. it is true, both offline and online are "real" to most of us

kari just wishes to clarify her use of the word respect here... and perhaps she should have phrased it differently.. *smiles*

she agrees that respect is something earned and not just something given haphazardly..

however.. there is respect for a person as an individual and for all that they stand for... and then there is the act of showing respect, of treating others respectfully.. *smiles*.. and it is not necessary to have respect for someone to treat them respectfully .. we do it all the time by calling FM and FW their correct titles as Master and Mistress, or by following the rules of the homes that we visit.. those things are acting respectfully and showing respect.. and that is the type of respect that kari refers to when she said.. "respect to all always" .. perhaps it would have been better phrased, "treat others respectfully always" .. *smiles*

she wishes you all well,

{karimah}Å«Fo§»
slave of Master Årgos, Fortress of Saphronicus

thanks to my Master for allowing kari to post to this Forum

[Ladorria]

Greetings kari,

Thank you for clearing that up. I still call it common courtesy though... but then you say tomato and I say oh top hat! (okay that was a bad joke)

At any rate, you aren't wrong in what you're saying, it's just semantics is all and I wanted to make a bad joke...


I wish you well,

Ladorria